Learning patience and intention

My Struggle

[This article is a bit personal, but feel like is one of the journey I am experiencing, hope to record it down.]

As a self-taught developer, I’ve found it difficult to measure how well I’m progressing—or how good my code really is. I did a taught master’s program for a year, covering just eight courses. It gave me a superficial taste of many topics but left me feeling more like a tourist than a practitioner.

Coming from an Asian background where external validation often shapes our early experiences, I sometimes find myself looking outward to define my worth—especially when friends outside the programming world ask about my progress.

What drew me to programming was its freedom—the idea that with just a laptop and internet, I could tap into the minds of brilliant open-source contributors, academic pioneers, and cutting-edge tech innovators. It felt like touching superpowers. But this same openness also reveals how fiercely competitive the field can be.

To gain validation, I thought I needed something impressive to show—especially as I aim to become a full-stack developer. But in the rush to produce, I often skipped the principles. I’d lose patience, blindly follow tutorials or rely on LLM-generated code, chasing speed over understanding.

Eventually, the joy of problem-solving faded. I began to feel like I couldn’t code without the internet. I felt stuck—and a little lost.

Work with Patience and Intention

Over time, I’ve built various projects—some personal, some for others. And surprisingly, I began to truly learn when I slowed down.

Instead of copying solutions, I started reading documentation. I weighed the pros and cons of different methods, reflected on design choices, and learned to make decisions for myself. That’s when programming began to feel empowering again.

Of course, while I was studying fundamental concepts, the internet kept flashing headlines about people with no tech background launching wildly successful apps. Friends joked that I might be replaced, and while they didn’t mean harm, it hurt.

Still, it takes time. Be patient.

What matters most is intention. Ask yourself: Why are you doing this? Is it for passion? For financial freedom? For the joy of creating? The clarity in those answers will carry you forward.

Even the smallest decisions—how to structure a function, whether to use a class, which pattern to follow—deserve thought. Read more, compare approaches, and make choices that feel right for you. Others may disagree, but that’s okay.

Eventually, you’ll find yourself not just growing in knowledge, but in life. Because intentionality isn’t just a coding skill—it’s a way of being. And let’s see how patience and intention will bring us to!